I'll continue to update this section, and if you're interested, be sure to check back periodically. Thank you for stopping by and for allowing me to share this exciting journey with you.
This photo was taken at the rehearsal dinner for my daughter's wedding end of June-2012. I ended up with diverticulits in May/June and lost about 8 pounds. Not the way I'd advise losing it. I was pretty much on a liquid diet for a month. Weight loss is still a mystery to me. No matter what I eat, or how much or little I exercise...it varies very little, but I have held off the pounds I lost during this awful attack and am happy for that. I am working on just being happy with who I am in this body...but that is a tough one. Work in progress, my friends...
September 2, 2011
Can you tell that I really hate posting in this section? YUP! I have to be honest -between the stress of losing my mom, and not being able to work full time right now, I regained some of the lost weight and I'm ticked off as hell! So here is a photo taken yesterday in NYC, getting ready to shoot a promo for my event at Organic Avenue. I refuse to step on the scale, because I'm really terrified to see just how much I've gained back...so here I am. I'm trying to start walking again, but the IC flared up BIG time...so even that is difficult, but I keep plugging away. When I think of how I used to eat and how I'm eating now, it's unbelievable that I could be so overweight. My doc keeps telling me, that it will happen and to stop worrying about it...but....
If you like, read my blog post about this past weekend's experience and then you will better understand the emotions that have surfaced. This is disheartening and frustrating as hell. My physician reassures me that it will all come together as I heal and to let go of the anxiety. We are working on my thyroid with specific nutrients and he promises it will fall into place, and the weight will come off.
The problem is when I had to view the pictures of myself that W took at the CookOff Competition. I found myself in a very self-loathing place, critically looking at pictures and wondering how I could edit them, literally, ripping myself apart. The show did not air on live stream, as it was supposed to, and while I was proud of the job I did, I'm cringing at the thought now, that people may actually see me on video - not just a head shot or cropped photo. This is disturbing to me. I want to be happy about winning this competition and celebrate the accomplishment. I want to be happy that I received incredible support from a crowd of strangers and without knowing it, they validated my desire to continue to follow my passion in raw food preparation. So, I'm just letting you know, that while I'm proud of the recipe, proud of the work I did in order to prepare for this event, proud of how much I've taught myself over the past year and a half, I am so not proud of the way I look, and in fact, feel ashamed and embarrassed. I fear people are going to say, "Oh, great, if this is what raw food does to you, no thanks." You know what I mean. How do I stand up and promote something so good and healthy, and have people look at me and think that I am certainly NOT the picture of good health and vitality. So, I'm still basking in the thrill of winning, but quietly contemplating how I am going to feel when the video comes out, and wondering how I move forward and get passed this fear and self condemnation? I've want to record videos for my readers. I think it's an awesome medium, but this fear really holds me back from doing all that I know I can...and now, it's in my face! Now you know my secret...
June 11, 2010